Copywriter meets web 2.0

I’m feeling low.
A low that cannot be explained.
A low that must be experienced to be understood.
In this state, the mind scans and searches.
Like a bony mongrel sniffing for bones.

   I’m asking Why.

Why this. Why that. Why, Why, Why.

This three-letter word keeps the unknown, hidden.

   But Why speaks.

Its voice was heard from the day Man was made.

Why tells me I am merely a speck in the universe.

Why tells me I cannot fathom certain things.

Why tells me I must accept what I cannot accept.

   Why matures me.

The way it matured generations of Man’s existence.

Why doesn’t stop me from loving in spite of the risks.

Why makes me realise the importance of living for now and not tomorrow.

Why helps me worship my Creator better.

   Why. I embrace you!

I kiss Why on the lips and I thank you.

Some things are better left alone in the Mind of the Maker.

On this side of the Curtain of Knowledge,

I want to walk beside it without feeling too unhappy that I can’t see through it.

   Why. Let’s not have an antagonistic relationship.

Since I’m stuck with you for life.

I want to befriend you.

I want to take you home and give you a room.

We’ll be good housemates.

We won’t do anything that will cause a stir or a row.

Welcome, Why, welcome.

A lengthy discussion with a family friend reminded me of one of the reasons why I am sometimes unable to relate to Vi on a personal level. (My ‘coldness’ has been a major contributor to our falling apart.) Don’t know the reasons for it exactly but ‘walls’ that hinder intimacy have appeared at certain junctures in our relationship. I have gone through a few sessions of pastoral counselling to understand these structures I have built around my heart and more is needed. My friend advised me to seek professional counsellors. They are better equipped to help than my pastor is - who has helped me very much, I must say. 

On the 18th, Viola will be flying out of KL and heading back to her home in Porsgrunn, Norway. Having a ‘normal’ conversation with her is hard for me. I either get mad or become morose… mumblemumblemumble.

My friends,

Viola and I are still very much friends although not a couple anymore. She is thinking of moving back to Norway by the eve of Christmas, stay a while there, and after she has rested and been with family for some time, may return to Malaysia. I love her, I really want the best for her, and I release her to do anything she feels is right for herself right now. For all of you who have written or encouraged her in some way, I really thank you. By the time you read this email, Viola would’ve moved to Pearl’s place in BU and I would have moved to Damansara Perdana. I’m still keeping my place in Cyberia for homegroup purposes on Sundays. Keep praying for us and God bless you.

joel

I have decided to Q&A myself on the next step I’m taking by moving to my new pad in D’sara Perdana.

Q: So what have you learnt by living in Cyberjaya for one and a half years?

JL: When I first moved here, I was ecstatic that I was doing a new thing here. A few months after kicking off the Vineyard gathering in my apartment, I got disillusioned. Was frustrated at lack of results. Then God taught me a lesson. I had to trust Him and Him alone for the group. He kept reminding me of the Abrahamic call to go to a new place and that like Abe I will have many ‘kids’. I guess I learnt most of all that God is faithful.

Q: What are your regrets, if any?

JL: I regret having to have to lose a team-mate because of the demands of pioneer work here :( The demands test spirit and body. Not everyone can do this sort of thing. Or move here and pioneer. I also feel a bit sad because I did not have the support I hoped to receive from those who promised support. But I do realise that the Vineyard or even ministry in a place like Cyberjaya is not everyone’s cup of teh tarik.

Q: So by moving to PJ, are you closing shop?

JL: No I won’t. The Father has plans for this place and I still get to play in His big game plan of things.

Q: How will your ministry change after you move?

JL: By this I think you want to know if my move will change the way I do stuff in the Vineyard plant. Well…I will be here every weekend, as much as possible, to hang around or mentor the people I have here. I hope to be less involved in the church I am coming from so I can be more focussed in 2007. I find that spending six hours every Sunday from morning till afternoon saps a lot of energy - energy that I could spend in the pioneering work and in relating to young adults here. I have grown very comfortable to the trappings of regular church. When I have to step out of the box and do something insane with few resources, I learn to maximise the time, energy and money I have.

Q: I wish you all the best in your endeavours. What is your dream for Vineyard Cyberjaya?

JL: My dream? That’s another story for another time.